Here Be Monsters
Earlier this week I made some observations about cell phones. You know, how they’re cool and everything buy also suck up all your humanity and capacity for joy. I also mentioned in passing that they make you a giant fucking victim. I thought I’d expound on that a bit.
Way back in the old days the world used to be a fairly dangerous place. You know, tigers and bears and shit that would eat you. This tended to mean that most people paid pretty close attention to what was around them. Head up, eyes open, ears engaged. Basic awareness kind of stuff. All of the idjits that failed to do so found themselves being gutted by wildebeests or something. It meant that only the reasonably aware got to fuck and have mini mes. Today we’re the descendants of all the people who paid attention and mostly we’re throwing that shit away. The Netherlands just announced that they’re going to start installing walk/don’t walk signs on the fucking ground because so many mutant mother fuckers were getting hit by cars while staring at their phones. Jesus H Christ, what the hell happened to us?
You’ve seen it. The street scene with nearly every god damned person staring into their palm as they move through the world. Hell, for all I know you’re one of them. Not quite human anymore but not really evolved into anything else either. Don’t do it. Put the phone DOWN and look UP. There’s literally a whole giant reality out there.
Do you know what’s part of that huge thing called reality? Threats. Cars. Trucks. Dogs. And mostly Human predators. They love seeing people walking around without paying a lick of attention. They call these people victims, and so do I. Here’s a little thought experiment. Imagine an attacker is standing in front of you. Of course you don’t see or hear him because you’re on Tinder trying to find someone to fuck. Now let’s say he politely let’s you know he’s there and even allows you to dial 911 before he robs or rapes your ass. How exactly is that phone, or the nice policeman on the other end of the line, going to save you?
The absolute worst of this shit is people who drive incredibly powerful machines at high speed without paying any fucking attention. I hate these people. Not metaphorically, I literally hate them. I’m a biker and you selfish fucktards kill my kind every day and one of you will likely kill me. When you get in the car put your fucking phone away and drive. One of these days I’m going to interpret your texting as a specific threat to my life and put a .357 bullet in your fucking head in self defense.
I always know what’s around me. I never wear earphones in public or even at the gym. I’m never on the phone while I walk through the world. You shouldn’t do these things either. Of course the easiest way to accomplish this would be to release tigers everywhere. Since that probably won’t happen let’s hope Darwinism works out some other way to once again reward awareness. Saor Alba, Vaya con Dios, & Viva la Revolucion.